Hi All!! 
I apologize in advance to anyone that I offend with this post – it is a sore subject with Black women but I must address it.
Earlier today I was shopping and happened upon the latest Jet magazine with Monique on the cover. Now, I loves me some Monique! Beautiful face, great personality, funny as hell, and has a voice like honey butter on biscuits. Not to mention that she can stomp a negro if she has to…
Anyhoo, the article was about her latest movie and how she has gone from 260 to 222 lbs. Her photos on both the cover and the inside story looked astounding, you could really tell that she has dropped some pounds.
In the interview, Monique had stated that she knew that she was unhealthy and wanted to shed weight because she had kids and a new man to live for. BUT……she was only gonna lose a little more weight because ” I don’t wanna be no skinny girl!”
SCREEEEECH!! WTF? What is wrong with being a skinny girl? What makes being fat and living a life of settling instead of getting exactly what you want this great thing? When did “thin” become a bad thing to aspire for?
(Deep Heavy Sigh) Could somebody please explain to me the Black woman’s love affair with fat? I think we got the whole “Love yourself as you are” down to a science, almost to a fault. Queen Latifah, Oprah – brilliant women that beat the odds and became successful. Ordinary women like you and me do it too, holding it down and making it look easy….
But why, when it comes to losing weight, do we stop? We can break cycles of poverty, and abuse, why not obesity? We can be role models for young girls to follow their dreams and work hard etc. Why can’t we be skinny and stunning while we are doing it? ” Girl, go get your bachelors, and get some running in while ya at it!” Are we afraid of the power that beauty and fitness hold for us or are we trying to keep ahold of the one excuse that stops us from truly having it all?
You notice that I haven’t said “health” or “get healthy”? Because losing weight, for a person that really needs to lose it, is not about health. Honestly, I couldn’t give a good damn about health. I did this to look good, to stop being the too round peg for the round hole, and to even up the playing field in my professional and love life. Yes, my doctor told me “lose weight or die”, yes I had diabetes that was slowing taking my eyesight and kidney functions. But so did my mom, who is still kicking at 67, and so did my Gramma who lived to be 75. Diabetes did not scare me. Dying fat, old, childless, alone and wearing ugly stretch pants and smock sets from Catherine’s or the Blains catalog – that scared me. Always feeling like the odd man out – scary. Always having to be the clown or having to turn on the charm to win folks over, and never having someone feel like they had to win me over – horrifying. I wanted to have a man kneeling helpless at my feet because he was overcome by my beauty, not because I just beat the crap out of him. I wanted to be……normal. Normal doesn’t have a section in the store just for you, or a seat belt extension on the plane, or a larger chair or wider booth in a restaurant. Normal is just living day to day, blending in, living unapologetically…
I remember when I lost my first 50 pounds and my body started showing a major change. People started to notice my weight loss and compliment me, but I would catch myself telling folks that ” well , I had to lose because of my sugar” or that I was getting knee problems, or my sleep apnea was bothering me. Almost, no I was, I was apologizing for trying improve myself. Apologizing for wanting to be thin and daring to make that dream come true.
So when did skinny become a bad thing? From the comments that have been made to me about my goal weight, skinny equals crack addict. Skinny equals wanna be a white girl. Skinny equals no butt and nothing for your man to hold on to.
But in reality, skinny equals a cheaper way of life -everything from what you spend on clothes to how much your health insurance will cost depends on your weight. You will have less stress, so less medicine and doctor visits.
It also means a better quality of life. Exercise will help you focus and your self esteem will skyrocket. You will have more energy to life your life and make a few more dreams come true.
I know that I am not saying anything here that hasn’t been said before by someone else. But, this is one of black women’s major stumbling blocks and I do believe that if we could overcome it, all this other mess (hair, skin, trifling men) would be behind us.
Sweet Potato Pie has also stated this more than once: This is not a White girl thing. Wanting to be pretty, thin and look good – it’s all part of being a woman. You can still be a strong black woman if you want to – just be one with muscles and a waistline!
So, while I’m not totally mad at Monique, I am disappointed. I wanted to see her and Queen sashay down the red carpet and put Angelina and some of these other Hollywood bimbos to shame.
Ladies, it’s time to dump this lover – and mooove on to smaller and better things.
Til next time
You Can Do It
[...] Original post by Sweet Potato Pie [...]
[...] not too long ago Monique’s husband was quoted as saying he didn’t mind if his wife got her sex on with another man: [...]
beauty lies within the frail and obese. But healthiness is in the middle ranges…can’t be too skinny or too big…our society is obsessed w/weight….when u are unhappy because u obsess over what u just ate..thats a REAL problemo…..be happy be healthy LIVE LIFE LADIES!!! its all about finding a balance….
I am so with you.. Proud of all 105 lbs of my black butt….
I’m not offended by your post – After reading it, II had a thought – Monique doesn’t want to be a skinny girl……………I don’t think that she doesn’t want to be a healthy weight. In my mind, Lindsay Lohan is a skinny girl, Angie Harmon is a skinny girl, so is Gisele Bundchen or Ellen Pompeo or the Olsen twins; any adult woman who you can take pictures between her legs without effort there’s so much space; people who when you see them, your first thought is that they need a sandwich with real mayo.
) We should strive for good health and beauty, and hottie-ness, but that is not synonymous with skinny.
A healthy weight doesn’t mean skinny, skinny means bony, without curves, drinking soup out of someone’s clavicle. This is all my opinion
I would imagine that from Monique’s perspective it’s about money and her career. After all, a good part of her schtick is the way she lambasts the ’skinny bitches,’ and being fat positive. If she were to lose a significant amount of weight now, she might well be kissing her career goodbye. For black female celebrities weight is a double-edged sword. If you’re a black woman and overweight in Hollywood, you stand a better chance of having a successful career than an overweight white woman. That’s pretty much the only category where a black woman stands a better chance than a white woman.
For black women in general, I think there are many things involved in the weight issue. For one thing it serves as protection. We all know about the psychological impact of sexual abuse and how many women gain weight so that the fact can act as a shield. It can also protect you from street harassment. I think a lot of this is informed by black women’s conflict with our sexuality. It’s a lot easier to stuff your face than face your stuff.
That’s not to say that black women don’t need to address these issues. We most assuredly do, but it’s been my experience that confrontation, shaming and ridiculing is seldom effective. These women usually have more shame than they know what to do with. That’s what’s keeping them fat. What they need is support and caring. That’s a much harder path to take, but in my experience it’s the only one that’s effective.
For instance, with my son’s godmother I pointed out to her that she’d taken a vow to assure his spirituality and that if she died on me I’d raise him as a Druid. Of course, she realized that I was joking, but there was some truth in that too. I think people have to understand and see what crucial role they serve in our lives, that, from what I’ve seen is far more effective.
“I wanted to have a man kneeling helpless at my feet because he was overcome by my beauty, not because I just beat the crap out of him.”
HEY NOW! Some guys need to get the crap beat out of them…. Some of us like it ; )
by the way my computers fried so it might be awhile before I get around. I will be back. Keep at it ladies!
Hello everyone!
Thanks for weighing in (pun intended) on a difficult subject for myself and bw in general.
@ SOBT – Amen to that! Finding a healthy, maintable medium is what it is all about. But I still say that the sliding scale that bw want to stop at is still a little too high; we need to set more realistic and healthy goals for ourselves without feeling like we are beating ourselves up or denying our culture. Thanks for dropping in!!
@ Tabitha – Go on girl witcha bad self!! lol! Thanks for visiting and please , if you can, drop us a line or two about your experiences with this weight game!
@ Shelley: Hiya Shelly! After I posted, I realized that I should have given more background as to what my idea of skinny was. Skinny to the extreme is never healthy and I would never advocate the ana’s and the ed’s . But….an eating and body image disorder is the same on both sides of the spectrum, just as super skinny is unhealthy, so is carrying more than 50 to 100 pounds of extra weight on the body. And it just concerns me that Monique, like I and countless others that I have known, will stop at say 200 and say “good enough”! Well , for her height and body frame, 200 is nowhere near good enough, and (again, I say this from experience, I am a professional dieter!) keeps the door open to gain it all back plus some. Good enough is literally killing us.
I understand that in the end, it is a personal choice that everyone has to make for themselves, I just wish that in BW’s case, we could choose to set the bar a bit, no a lot, lower. Right now, my goal is to be at the tippy top of the BMI index for “Normal, healthy” weight. That is about 153. I may try for 145 – not skinny, but not kissing the “underweight” line either. At my current weight and size, I realize that turning back would be foolish. I am literally half the size that I was, my body can fit into one of my old pant legs. And this happened almost while I wasn’t looking! I just kept setting my goals for the week/month and did everything I could to reach or come close to them.. If I can do it, anyone can!
Sorry, I’m rambling! Thank you for commenting, please come visit more!
Answers part II! Sorry had to go potty!!
@ Rosyln! Hey girl, how come you haven’t answered my Facebook Friend request! Hmph, some folks….lol!
You said:
I would imagine that from Monique’s perspective it’s about money and her career. After all, a good part of her schtick is the way she lambasts the ’skinny bitches,’ and being fat positive. If she were to lose a significant amount of weight now, she might well be kissing her career goodbye. For black female celebrities weight is a double-edged sword. If you’re a black woman and overweight in Hollywood, you stand a better chance of having a successful career than an overweight white woman. That’s pretty much the only category where a black woman stands a better chance than a white woman.
That is so very true, although I don’t call “Soul Plane” and the last three movies that Queen was in “successful”; more like “work and a paycheck”, but I digress. The Hollywood system for bw is awful, but that is what is selling at the moment. But Ms. Monique, like Queen, has a little more pull , she can write her own check in some cases. The fat is not making her more funny or lovable or more acceptable – that is just OBG (old black girl) thinking. To sacrifice oneself, to live a half life for someone else is dehumanizing, no matter how much money is being thrown at you.
I personally would love to see her in a romantic comedy where she sheds some weight and has the time of her life experiencing what’s in those hidden doors that were closed to her. I just wish the BC could get over Tyler Perry and his mess and want to see that too.
And you are so on point with the abuse issue. I am a former victim of sexual and mental abuse, and spent most of my adult years under my blanket of protection while filling the void of love and contact with food. I know first hand what that hell is. To your solutions, I say YES!! First let’s educate the parents on the fragility of a young girls soul and how to spot and stop any abuse that may be happening. Then on to the BC – not so much teaching, cuz honestly they dont care, but let the predators know that this will no longer be tolerated. And stand by it – these are our girls, if we don’t care no one will! I will do another post on this topic soon !
But ….as for the 30-40 pluses, like me, we are going to have to come to a point in our lives where we say “enough, I’m tired, I want a change from this!!” Will tell you my story in the next post of how I and a few others finally did it!
Thank you for your words of wisdom!!
And last but not least! Mr Casper! One of my cheerleaders and a guy that knows a thing or two about whooping ass!!
Unfortuneately, that is why I had to let Mr. Manfriend go…..yes Ms. Tracy is single again! He let the freaky out of the bag much too soon!! Will post about that too!
So you are doing double duty at the fight training eh? Well good for you but get some rest and get that computer fixed pronto!
Thank you for your sweet words, and thanks to all of you for your support! WE Can Do It!!
Tracy,
Great Post! I love the honesty (what motivated you to lose weight). I agree with you too if Monique is doing it for her health…she has a ways to go.
Your associations with “skinny” and “fat” are reflective of the current ideals of society. Skinny is equated with beauty, control, stamina, righteousness, positivity, assertive, wealth etc., and fat is equated with undesirability, greediness, lack of energy, settling, negativity, poor, etc. However, this was not the mindset of this society in the past…it was the opposite and has only changed within the last few decades.
However, when it comes to Mo’Nique and her (or any woman’s) disapproval of becoming a “skinny bitch” may come from a past of how she’s been treated or seen others treated by this type of woman. Also, it is not in every woman’s physical make-up to be a skinny (or very thin) woman. No matter the time and effort put into diet and exercise, even to unhealthy extremes, some women will not fit into the skinny category. Should they be bashed and ridiculed as listless failures? As women without the ability to fulfill their God-given purpose? There are Black women who have attempted to sustain a lifestyle to retain their membership among the thin elite, to the detriment of their mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. However, they see women, who aren’t as thin, but just as active and determined to retain a svelte figure enjoying life, work, family, friends and relationship with God I wonder if they also curse the need to be a “skinny bitch.”
Although you may maintain your lifestyle to attain materialistic and somewhat shallow rewards, not all women are motivated by these things. Health may not be the foundational factor in their weight-loss either. We may be able to postulate a continuum of reasons to maintain a figure of fitness instead of fatness, but whatever the reason(s) may be it is not the place of others to determine one’s defining reasoning. The fact that you use your body to gain attention, as an estimation of success, or as your major tool of attraction for a potential mate is not the desire of every Black woman battling her body and the psychosocial factors impacting weight-loss. But to each her own
I do agree Black women’s struggle with physical fitness is a major concern not only for the individual but includes her family and greater community. However, optimal fitness is more than fat or skinny, disease or health; it is the ability of one to find and maintain balance both inside and out…
Hi Tracy!
Wishing you all the best w/ the weight loss. Yeah, I agree w/ Roslyn on the Monique issue.
Jogging, joggers makes me think of Joshua and his troops going around Jericho.There’s some self empowerment there!
Yea I am having my brother in Peoria ship me my old computer from stateside. Maybe you can jog on over there and put a boot in his arse. LOL J/K
@ Miriam!
Hey Girl! Thank you so much sweetie!! Maybe if I can get this weight loss show on the road, I can counsel Ms Nique! lol!!
And lately, I have been feeling like David, conquering my Goliath – one pound at a time!
@ Mr. Casper – just let me know, I’m ready to try out my UFF moves on him!! LOL!!
@ Brandy!
Thanks so much for your input – I like it so much that I am preparing a separate blog entry to further this discussion! Coming Soon! And thanks for stopping by!
I’m 110 lbs and, honestly, I’d give anything to be thick and attractive. I’ve tried force feeding myself, Ensure, working out, even weight gain pills, and nothing worked. It’s quite frustrating, too. I know I’m supposed to appreciate myself for how I’m made, but it’s kinda hard when u got men around you chanting “the bigger the better”. Any suggestions?